Leaving on good terms, but loosing an identity 

A story of friendships and divorce:

This is a story about a once fun, outgoing girl who volunteered, gave her heart to a community she was a part of for 20+ years and divorce. Those she loved passed judgement without question when the word divorce reached their ears. Slowly friends felt they had to pick sides and stopped any interaction. Many made assumptions, some went as far as to look away and pretend not to see her. “How could she divorce him?” “He was a great guy, great father, never wavered, and supported her in everyway”. He had been with her since she was a teenager, “How could she leave a good man?” Her reasons were Her own, but being happy and healing wasn’t going to happen in Her marriage. They were and will always be best friend. The problem can quickly as news slowly spread, his life was his community and had become her community, she knew nothing else. 

She asked the same thing about the community she loved, why? Why had she become a outsider? It was a harsh reality. She wondered why the community she loved abandoned her.

The couple had chosen not to make a spectacle of a wonderful 20 year marriage. No vaguebooking, no fighting, simply be happy. They simply moved on and agreed to support each other. They had wanted each other happy. They wanted their children happy. Was it her Mental illness causing delusions? Was it her severe depression? Was it the deployment that came months after the legal preparations? Was it new friendships she had made since the separation? Soon people asked, the slow de-friending on social accounts. She simply wasn’t in the community anymore. She was left feeling abandoned, lost, and found herself in the shoes of those she’d helped throughout the years. 

Those she had forgotten as well.

So thats becoming my story. Divorce isn’t a easy decision. I find myself lost in my sickness. Struggle to live, work and stay active supporting my community. I struggle to not cry everyday. My life is a struggle. I am thankful to those who continue to reach out, those who love me even in my madness, those who are still my friends. 

To everyone else, you don’t know our story. Remember both of us involved. Remember our friendships. I’m Bipolar, it’s not contagious. It’s a debilitating depression with ups and downs. If you loved my ups, please love me when I’m down.
 

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Complete confusion and beauty

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“I have so many different personalities in me and I still feel lonely.”, Tori Amos

So many people are affected with mental illness and rarely share, which hurts us as a population. As the quote above states “I have so many different personalities in me and I still feel lonely.” It a true representation of many affected or dealing with someone fighting, coping, or dealing with those personalities. We are all lonely. Starving for affection, attention, acknowledgment.
So many people need to be accepted even those who have been accepted.

Makes you think a bit about how money and success influences happiness.  You truly do not need money or success to be happy. You only need yourself. I still hold on to true love…..so you need yourself and true love 😉

I can be hot and cold….so true love is reality, but it burns a delicate flame like a candle. I want to keep it in a box for fear of a draft. But it’s really impossible to protect a flame from the elements. So I have to burn hot and pray those who love me protect their flame from my draft. In return, I hope they shelter the light I provide and the flames aren’t extinguished, but passed on candle to candle.

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