Category Archives: sex

Obsessions, More Lovers and Demons

Standard

image

“The cigar is something that commands respect. It is made for all the senses and all the pleasures; for the nose,the palate,the fingers, the eyes… a good cigar contains promise of a totally pleasurable experience” – Zino  Davidoff

*Dirty Bipolar or other symptom I am blessed to endure. #2 Obsessions and follow on to #1

Cigars are like people there are no two alike. No matter your mood, there is a cigar that will fit it, satisfy a craving. The varieties are endless and ever changing; thin, tiny to wide, thick. Sometime the obsession of holding the various shapes, body, lengths provides some insight into the person’s mood. Size matters greatly, Freud said that “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” But I do have my preferences. Cigars generate camaraderie, conversation, and community. But like people, cigars can be very delicate and requires lots of love and attention. My humidor has become a complete obsession. Sometime when neglected a extraordinary cigar will dry, peel, and burn poorly. Just like people, they come in every shape, size, color, and personalities all requiring just as much work. They deserve my obsession.

In the opening quote, a good cigar for me with scotch is a completely pleasurable experience. Finding the perfect cigar to go with my whiskey is an obsession. I can’t possibly smoke them all to find my perfect combination. Much like a perfect marriage. There is no perfect combination.

The sense of smelling various cigars is a pleasure for the nose. The complexity of the smells when surrounded with different cigars excite my senses. It’s like cologne or perfume as you pass someone, instantly you want to stop them and ask, “what are you wearing?” I like the temptation of so many complex choices surrounding me. The smell of certain cigars, can instantly force memories that were long forgotten.

The palate of course require my scotch. The pair are like perfectly entwined lovers. The oaky favors, the full body smoke from the draw, and occasional sight taste of peat from the scotch. I am satisfied.

Cigars require to be touched, appreciated, smelled before even cutting or being smoked.
The way you hold the cigar demands your attention. Your fingers have to be engaged. The feel of the wrapper can become an obsession. You want it in your hand, even if it’s unlit.

And to the eyes, each one is different. I am constantly looking for the most beautiful, knowing that my favorite isn’t the most desirable. I’m drawn to the beautiful ones, but my favorites are the ordinary. They are smooth, with slight hints of coffee, aged, and complex. They require nothing more than my care. Rarely, do a venture to the bold flavored cigars for fear of obsession.

So I find myself not addicted, but obsessed. It’s only an occasional vice. Sometimes I can’t control my obsessions. But, now I choose my obsessions very carefully.

image

image

“Show me a man without vice and I’ll show you a man without virtue.” – Abraham Lincoln

Advertisements

The perfect lover and demon. Hypersexuality and a bit about whiskey

Standard
The perfect lover and demon. Hypersexuality and a bit about whiskey

image

“My dear,

Find what you love and let it kill you.Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness.
Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.
For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.”
~ Falsely yours
Charles Bukowski

Dirty bipolar symptom #1

This quote has been on my mind all day, actually for about a month. I think talking about darker indulgences in life is harder than the sad, happy, or lonely. But I know this will relate somehow to some to better understand symptoms or understand a friend or loved one.

We all have our vices, I love whiskey neat. It’s flavors can be dignified, youthful, soft, firm, dry, sweet, big, subtle, and rich. I just described the perfect lover. Let’s explore that a bit.

Some have a smokey, woody, nutty, oaky taste that reminds me of nights under the stars, a fire and my night sky. Some can be almost salty with herbal overtones, instant memories of a night on a beach. Some are creamy, hot, and mouth-coating. A big whiskey dominates my mouth.Those instantly remind me of more intimate things. A sweet whiskey can leave you with a very wet feeling, literally a wet mouth. It like loving a woman. I like viscous thicker whiskeys that leave legs on the glass when swirled, how it reacts when swirled and lingers on the glass. I like a whiskey that’s body floods my mouth with flavor. That can provide the perfect finish.

Whiskey is like the perfect lover. I only see him briefly. Overindulgence can led my destruction. So I control my impulse to drink. When I do see these lovers, I have the inability to stop. I overindulge in all the sensations and crave all the different flavors.

I have my demons, my vices caused by Bipolar. Like whiskey, a symptom rarely talked about is hypersexuality. This is probably the most feared in a monogamous relationship. Sadly, sex is a constant thing I have to control. I control it with medication, but it’s the one thing I can never satisfy, I want sex constantly. Even minutes, after sex. Most would read that and offer a high five to my husband. I need intimacy, but honestly sex. When bipolar hypersexuality knocks on the door, I get help and that not sex. I’ve found many forms of therapy over the years and great support. It’s a dirty little secret, but it’s honestly very sad and hurts.

Think about it, even writing about whiskey can become sensual and sexy. I’m a hard woman to control, but knowing someone like me who is Bipolar 1 doesn’t mean we are all the same and my symptoms are different from type 2. There is actually a whole spectrum.

I love being complex. I love how I feel more than most humans. I feel sadness like now other, love like no other, and sex is a spiritual experience. It took me years to realize how bipolar is my superpower. Like all superpowers, we also have our Kryptonite. This is #1, stay turned for #2

I didn’t even get into describing the depth of cigars, another post 😉