My love affair with Uncle deadly

  
First, I should never watch “The Muppets” and go directly to bed. My dream of my life with the muppets last night was awesome. I’ll spare you the bulk of the lunacy but, I finally kill Mrs. Piggy. She messed with Kermit for the last time. I got away with the murder only with the help of Uncle deadly, you know the blue, reptilian-looking creature, also known as “the Phantom of the Muppet Show”and current costume guy and assistant to Mrs Piggy. 

Always my favorite muppet and now we were partners in crime (Insert Maniacal laugh). We dumped the pig at a local Smithfield farm. In my dream, Uncle deadly wanted to cook and serve up a pork feast to all the muppets. I remember thinking how messed up that was and suggested Smithfield processing. Well that’s not the crazy part….Uncle Deadly and I run away together. I fall madly in love with the evil muppet. Fast forward to a beach, like the one in movie “Cocktail” with Tom Cruise.  He’s slinging drinks behind a beach bar and I’m really sexy, sipping on a fruity drink with a big floppy hat. 

Today may be a little crazy… 

 

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Facebook and and schools of a** fish

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Disconnecting from Facebook tops the list of things you should give up or at least set a timer and only allow yourself an alloted time. It’s been liberating and I was once an addict.

So let’s talk a bit about Facebook. I had been on Facebook from the very beginning when you had to have a email address from a college email system before it became the creature it is today.

At first, it was really great because no one really had a cellphone and smartphones didn’t exist. The only picture was my student ID pic which for some reason was the best picture I had ever taken for an ID card. Everyone  would use it to rate and hook up with each other, much like tender today. It was also great for networking. As the years passed it grew in popularity and literally crushed MySpace. It opened up to everyone.

Now It gets interesting, you know those people who would never give you the time of day, the handsome jocks, old boyfriends, old girlfriends, the popular people, well they all loved me now and wanted to be my friend. At first, I became the ultimate stalker. The whores have now found Jesus, the jocks were now bald and fat, and surprisingly the average and geeky guys were sexy as hell. Honestly, I never dated a single person in High School. No one ever asked me out and I never went to dances or even prom. I was a tomboy, I enjoyed guns, hunting, outdoors. I played on the golf team, track team, softball, peddle briefly with volleyball, JROTC and all the academic or social clubs. I just wanted to stay busy because I was certain no one liked me. So back on track, I was popular on Facebook. I had thousands of friends.

It hit me about a year ago watching certain behaviors and analyzing what I noticed on other people’s accounts. ASS FISH, yes ass fish, the ones who circle around and eat the shit of other fish. Those who are repeatedly commenting on narcissistic people’s post. It was at first entertainment, but soon it became sad. The increase of the selfie or I love me post and again ass fish circled.

The sad thing is reality is not what you make of it, reality just is…. I spent so much time trying to compete with people who are competing with themselves developing lies to overcome their own sad existence. Throughout life they become so caught up in their destinations they forget to enjoy their day to day experiences. I am reminded of the story of the Yankee tourist who complained to the old hillbilly about how the tourist attraction was not worth the time. The hillbilly looked at him and told him the attraction was the drive not the destination.

I’m sure I’ll rejoin facebook one day, but right now I’m enjoying the drive.

Update: I recently return to Facebook to create a blogger page. I wanted to have a place I could communicate with my readers. I still strongly advise the breaks. It was wonderful. So with that said if you are on Fakebook please like and share my page. http://www.facebook.com/itsnotcrazytoday

Do you believe in “Banking Karma”? Because this market sucks!

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I’ve given a lot of thought to Karma. I’ve done everything to try to pin point my triggers. I think ultimately I’m let down by humanity. It’s life in general and my inability to realize not everyone thinks like I do, as Einstein once so humorously pondered. I know I am intelligent, genius in many ways.  But in theory, those who suffer with bipolar disorder are gifted, artistic, thinkers, and creative. We are never going to understand normal, but we want it more than you can imagine.

In the past decade, I’ve spent every moment I could helping others, helping friends, or helping organizations. Always saying yes and trying to recognize signs, symptoms in people surrounding me and helping by sharing my friendship and using my talents to benefit others without expectations. I do it because I genuinely want to help people,  but I joke that I’m “banking karma”. One day it’ll pay off and l’ll never have to be anything but normal. I would give up all materialistic things to be normal and ensure my children are happy, healthy, and loved.

Currently I’m questioning the very existence of “do good things and good things happening”, people take advantage of us, narcissist love people like us, and the worst are those who just want our love, but never expect to return the love. I’ve given my soul to be loved and call a friend because I wanted to have a “BFF” and sadly I’ll never be more than a fun friend. It’s entirely another blog post on its on, but I want it more than anything. My disorder ruins everything , I have no control, but regret everything. I attract self-destructive people, narcissist, and the mental ill, it’s my cross to bear.

I have had a long week, two flat tires in one day, unexpected increases in expenses, and then my dryer decided to die. I did a cost benefit analysis and new thermal fuse (blown), new motor (burnt out), and control panel on a 12 year old dryer wasn’t worth the money in the long run. Those vocational classes paid off for Lowe’s tonight. So I went and bought a new dryer. As I said before, I had dinner alone, hoping for a sign from my karma bank. I hoped for a friend someone to just talk too. I think I expected the universe to send me a message. But, no one noticed me, no one talked to me, and no one showed up. I never felt more alone. I think I need a new bank account for karma.

Let down and already been kicked this week it’s not easy to stay out of the doldrums. There is no wind in my sails. Escaping a low is like learning to walk, when you’re rapid cycling it like recovering from paralysis. You knew how to walk, but lost the ability and in between you ran marathons. I don’t want to be paralyzed again. I’m sad, but I guess this is normal sad. This is normal let down, normal sad.

So I guess I do have expectations. I expect Karma to pay out like a 401k.

This market really blows….

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