Hallucinations and delusions, a story with the black cat


This morning the cat and I shared a moment. It confirmed, we both suffer various psychotic symptoms. Both of us thankful for our medications. *skip to the bottom if you’re impatient.

*I suppose this is another “don’t talk about it” dirty symptom.

So before I get to our experience. I figured I’d explain a bit about bipolar disorder delusions and hallucinations. They are very different, delusions being irrational, illogical, and just a bit of false grandeur. Hallucinations can be many things, hearing, seeing, smelling, and generally sensing things with something triggering the response. Usually experienced during manic episodes.

My grandiose delusions are usually related to when I’m suffering mania or it is fast approaching. In a recent setback, I believed that I was approached by an Angel and he told me I’m having a child. I began seeing things, but I’ll get to that a bit further.  This required, some help with medication. It’s what my husband refers to my mental reset. It also causes me to sleep for 16 to 24 hours or if that doesn’t work the good old hospital visit. It’s funny to look back on the experiences, but I mean biblically it’s happened before right? In all seriousness, it was a grandiose delusion. I have visions and find connections, I feel completely in sync with the earth’s energy, which can also be perceived as a delusional or maybe I’m just extremely in tune with nature. I can sometimes spend hours which feels like minutes staring into the woods. Keep in mind this is me medicated.

There are so many other things other than grandiose and persecutory delusions there are a great list of common hallucinations. They include olfactory (smell), auditory (hearing), gustatory (taste), tactile (feeling touched, creepy crawlers), somatic (feeling in your body) and last but not least, visual (seeing things).  These aren’t always all associated with Bipolar disorder, but remember, I’m the kitchen sink, PTSD, ADHD, GAD are sometime the culprit. Now put it all in a pot and stir it, actually shake it.

My primary culprits are auditory, olfactory, visual, and somatic. These are the ones I still experiences even on medication. The delusions are generally contained very well with medication. My kids and husband believe I have this superpower to smell, the ability smell anything and pinpoint precisely the source. The hallucination is when I am convinced I smell smoke most often, sometimes it’s Jasmine. Other strong smells include, rust or blood. One that almost always gets me is some old heirloom roses that were behind my grandmother’s house as a child. I remember as a kid always stopping to smell the roses, literally.  I only started smelling them after my father passed away. Roses today have lost the smell, these roses had such a strong, unique, unmistakable smell. Sometimes they smell as if they are right under my nose. Some would say this is spiritual and loved ones reaching out to let me know they are present, others hallucinations.

The auditory, are usually like whispers, but only at night. I recognize it as my mind decompressing, I’m simply hearing myself. But it’s interesting to know I sometime talk to myself in a completely sane manner. Sometime the pets and like other stories we have conversations, they have their voices too. Visually, it usually shadows…also reassured it medication adjustments by doctors. The somatic is usually gut feelings. They can be very unnerving. I could go on and on to the sense of being touched sometimes to waking at night and seeing someone.

So many of you may have skipped down here to me and the black cat. This morning in bed, the cat and I heard something downstairs. We currently live in a three story townhouse. So hearing something downstairs was a bit unnerving. So the dog, the cat and I walked downstairs to the sound in the main living area. Instantly, the cat completely puffed up her fur and arched her back and the dog stood in front of me and slightly growled. This happened once before when my mom visited and she witnessed a similar event. 

I am pretty sure I heard the cat say, “holy shit” and the black dog growled just trying to be brave and quickly ran to the couch. The cat and I stood for a few moments basically, she held her puffed, arched back hissing. I just closed my eyes and use my senses. Was it a smell, was it the sound, was it delusional. I kept my eyes shut and remembered the smell of the roses and suddenly it was all gone. Whatever cause the disturbance, was sent away by thinking of the most comforting thing, the smell of those heirloom roses. Some would say my guardian angels came to my side. The room smelled of roses. The cat calmed and purred on my leg. I opened my eyes to nothingness.

Just a peaceful feeling.

14 thoughts on “Hallucinations and delusions, a story with the black cat

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  1. This is actually very interesting. I have audio hallucinations and closed eye hallucinations. The audio hallucinations typically only happen at night. And the closed eye hallucinations are typically flashes of images acrossed my eyelids. I’ve written about some of my hallucinations on my blog and I really think you’d enjoy reading about it. Shatterinsanity.blog feel free to take a look!


  2. Someday remind me to tell you about reading human energy fields, the earth field, and the link between what western medicine calls madness or illness and mystic states. Oh, and the link between kundalini and schizophrenia. Then hypersexuality, root blocks, prana, and healing (without a stitch of chemical assistance in you). Look, it isn’t all delusion (you know this, amiritet?), and as long as we keep our mental posture as westerners intact, we will all go mad (by turning the mysterious into delusion). Enter the deep ineffable mystery where we don’t try to analyze it but experience it! Wakingtheinfinite guy. Great posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Definitely going to have to hear about the reading energy fields one day. There is definitely something different about me, that is something I can not deny. Experiencing it makes for some great stories, both good and bad. Thanks for reading! S

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Part 1 of a 2-part series is up on reading energy (in a traditional way). Next installment will go into other aspects like feeling other fields…like the earth, objects, etc. FYI.


  3. I totally understand the hallucination experience. It’s only been minimally as I have a personality disorder which plays it’s own little games… But I’ll tell you, I think our animals have a keen sense of our experiences. One (of the four) cats I have is very sensitive to my needs and the dog and I seem to have some telepathic thing going on. I generally expect it’s a combination of animalistic instinct paired with human emotion. But sometimes doesn’t it feel like you’re on another plane of existence?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I can in stressed from chaperoning a middle/high school trip. The dog would not leave my side, almost in my lap. She only does that when I’m stressed, headings towards mania, or even manic. Tonight I was just stressed and the dog would not leave me alone. They are certainly in tune. My cat seemed to protect me and I am convinced she hates me, yet she comforted me. Dog became the coward, lol


  4. This is a very interesting and well-written blog. I really enjoyed reading this. I have delusions and hallucinations, so I can relate to some of it. I also used to have a black cat. He is now my guardian angel 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. What is untrue on one level may be true on another. “However, if today you wish,like an eclipsed star that leaves the half-light, to strut in the places which Madness encumbers, that is fine!” – Baudelaire

    Liked by 3 people

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