The past and ghost that returns to haunt me

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In a moment, I close my eyes and feel a soul touching my own. I can feel the pinch of a corset rubbing my side next to my chest where I have a birth mark now. I suddenly itch like crazy from starched lace and wool. I can feel another lifetime in front of me and a warmth near my lips. Perhaps my lover has returned to kiss me while I’m in a deep trance. Suddenly, I shift from Renaissance to the roaring twenties, and again to possibly a war zone hospital. It’s the smell of this moment. The rusty smell of blood and burn flesh. Then just like that a kiss felt upon my lips I flush and open my eyes.

It made me think of something and maybe it’s pretty thought provoking. I haven’t spoke to anyone yet who suffers on the spectrum of bipolar disorder who hasn’t felt a pull to another era. There may be connection between old souls, past lives, and reincarnation and mental illness.

Let me explain my feelings, but before you ask….yes I took my meds. I feel my soul is tired at times. I’ll watch an old period movie and my soul will spring to life with excitement. I am drawn to the a couple periods in time. My dreams are also usually in these various  periods and rarely do I have a dream about my life now. I have trouble retaining memories in this lifetime, but I can tell you for certain I’ve experienced deja vu with places, things, objects, and people. Sometimes the connection is so strong it reminds me that my soul has not given up.

I wonder if my soul is just tired and failed to upload completely, I need a reboot. They say right before you die there is a single moment of rapid brain activity. Many believe this is the moment your life flashes before you, but what if thats the moment is your soul is uploading like a computer. Whatever your religious beliefs its doing something maybe uploading to heaven, hell, or just maybe you have another lifetime that you need to live before you reach the final destination.

It’s nice to have memories and dreams that don’t seem to belong to me and a ghost as a lover. In a musing of a mad woman way, it’s a beautiful mind.

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About Musings of a mad woman

“Mental labels don’t define who I am, time and aging only gets me closer to those I love, will love, and have loved” ~ S.L. Cato I’ve battle Bipolar disorder for at least 15+ years, toss in a couple more labels I’ve collected such as generalized anxiety disorder PTSD. This battle is pretty amazing and out of this world and at times a dark rollercoaster ride. The medication, the manic episodes, and mania can be pretty humorous. The hypersexuality, drugs, anxiety, depression, ghosts, and parenting. I’ve certainly felt the sting of the “crazy” stigma, but I’m here today. Bipolar is my superpower. I hope by sharing my musings it helps others understand the labels situation whispered behind closed doors. Please feel free to share my stories, rantings and musings. Read more about me in my post "Who is the Mad Woman"

12 responses »

  1. Wow. That is very interesting and so cool. I am not sure what I believe about reincarnation? Sometimes I do believe in it and past lives, and other times I’m not sure. I don’t really see why it’s not possible. During difficult times, I sometimes think, I sure hope I remember this part after I’m dead so I don’t come back and do all this again! LOL Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: The past and ghost that returns to haunt me | Karmic Tarot & Astrology

  3. Interesting stories. I’m not bipolar but have known a couple of people who are. I admire you telling your story; it can be helpful for those who are not sure about seeking help or wondering why they are the way they are. Thank you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s undeniably a common thread. I could write hours and hours on my experiences and memories, but too much tonight. I’ll continue to write and open up on past memories. You need accept and remember those memories. It’s extraordinary the stories we all have to tell and I bet your is amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I too am Bipolar, and do feel I’ve had other lives. My mother and I felt we knew each other in other life times and we are continually drawn to each other over and over again.
    We spoke of this quite often before she died, no one else in my family would ever understand such things.
    I do wonder if my husband and are the same. We are just so drawn to each other, things got in the way but we always ended up as us. We made each other want to be better people.
    And we both like the same Era of furniture, clothing, all of that.

    I am pretty sure in one of my lives I was a man, a slave on a southern plantation. I dream it. When I read about it I feel as if I’m reading my story. It’s an odd feeling.

    I’m a Buddhist now, so this makes much more sense to me.

    I love your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I remember working in an antique shop when I was younger. It was amazing to see and feel the things that so many people held dear and kept new so many years. It makes you really think about what you do in the moment. I know things don’t matter, but they certainly tell a story and remind us of our past.

      Liked by 3 people

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