Feb21

I just want to f*cking color

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 “I just want to fucking color”

At age 3 the world is an amazing place. Full of the unexpected, every minute is filled with hundreds of new sights, sounds, and smells. Imagine if you could turn it off for a few minutes. Peter did just that on this day. I learned probably one of the applicable statement for living from a disobedient child who genuinely just wanted to finish a task.

It’s a short story, at the height of one of my manic episodes so he spent the day in daycare so I could get that amazing tattoo I needed (story for later). My husband arrived to pick up our 3 year old and was pulled aside by his teacher. She questioned him a bit about whom he spends time around because of his vocabulary. She preceded to explain he had used the “F” word. Of course, embarrassed my husband took responsibility and assured her it would never happen again. See, my husband and I are Marines and honestly fuck is second nature. But it was honestly my inability to censor myself. She proceeded to tell the story. It was nap time and all the kids were instructed to clean up their stations. Everyone followed the routine, except Peter. Peter continued to color in complete silence and zen. Nothing in the world was better than just coloring at that moment. When told he had to nap Peter responded, “I just want to fucking color”. He was calm, but stern. All he wanted was to finish his task, do what he enjoyed.

I think about that on many occasions. I just want to fucking color. I think we all just want to color. We strive to find that on thing we love and without someone telling us how to do it or that we should stop. We all are really trying to achieve that peace and balance.

We all just want to fucking color.

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Filed under bipolar disorder, crazy, funny, living, mental health, musing, writing and tagged , , , , , , , | 61 Comments

About Musings of a mad woman

“Mental labels don’t define who I am, time and aging only gets me closer to those I love, will love, and have loved” ~ S.L. Cato I’ve battle Bipolar disorder for at least 15+ years, toss in a couple more labels I’ve collected such as generalized anxiety disorder PTSD. This battle is pretty amazing and out of this world and at times a dark rollercoaster ride. The medication, the manic episodes, and mania can be pretty humorous. The hypersexuality, drugs, anxiety, depression, ghosts, and parenting. I’ve certainly felt the sting of the “crazy” stigma, but I’m here today. Bipolar is my superpower. I hope by sharing my musings it helps others understand the labels situation whispered behind closed doors. Please feel free to share my stories, rantings and musings. Read more about me in my post "Who is the Mad Woman"

61 responses »

  4. Hey there, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues.

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    heads up! Other then that, very good blog!

    Like

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  6. Reblogged this on Musings of a mad woman and commented:

    I went back to my very first post. It was a day much like today, all I wanted to do was escape and do something for myself instead of facing the realities of adulthood. This is a very good reminder we all need to remember it’s okay to just say no, I need a break. Life is too short to get so caught up in a routine that you follow the masses when you clearly aren’t ready.

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  7. Despite the popularity of narcissism as a label, it is difficult to find scientifically verified information on it outside academic journal articles. Many websites on narcissism are based on some combination of conjecture, personal experience, and poorly understood psychoanalytic theories. Christopher Lasch’s 1979 bestselling book, “The Culture of Narcissism,” though fascinating, was written before any serious research explored the personality and behavior of narcissists. Books such as “Why Is It Always About You?” and “Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life” were written by established psychotherapists and use case studies of individuals with NPD. This approach is important, but largely ignores the scientific data on the topic.

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  8. I can’t figure out how to like your post. And I just want to fucking “like” your post! LoL Love this story, thanks for sharing it. I use the fuck word all the time. I find it a refreshing pace to claustrophobic societal norms. 😉 I always taught my daughter when she was older, you can say whatever you want, just not around whoever you want.

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  10. Well is a old git so say fuck a lot , and I love fucking adault colouring books lately , they are fucking great and fucking good for relaxing , ohh. And thank you so fucking much , just read the more you swear the more brainy you are so I must be a fucking genius, that or just over the top. …… Lol take care ,,,,, I blame me pills , xxxxxx

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  11. Glad to have come across your blog. I think if a child says ‘fuck’ in the correct context, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that (says the mother who hasn’t yet dealt with that). I love that line ‘I just want to fucking colour’ all goes well till someone comes along and messes up your zen hahaha. Not suggesting there isn’t a personal responsibility in how you react, to maintain your zen, but that line is a great start.

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  12. Don’t we all love colouring? It’s so calming.

    The swearing might not come from where you think. We live in France and my children were the worse in the school for colourful language: It wasn’t from me – though I did swear in front of them – in English. They were using French words that I didn’t even know. I think that they realised that when they swore in English no one too much notice, so they started listening out for French words from other kids and adults.

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  13. My son is in his mid-40s now. Driving home when he was about 4 (can’t recall age) as he sat and played in the back seat, there was loud and clear: shit, shit, shit, shit! My wife and I looked at each other very surprised. I said, “Jack!” The name of my retired USMC Sergeant Major, brother-in-law. Jack never said fuck in my presence (although I use the word often), but he punctuated sentences with shit.

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  17. I loved this. I had to laugh since colouring books are one of my coping mechanisms (I’m currently longing for one of the books they make where you can colour in swear words – genius), so your title is my every day.

    x

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  20. You could turn some into anagrams like fubar, dilligaff, usmc, usaf, army, navy, uncle sams mean children, u sure are f*ucked, aren’t real marines yet, and my fav.. never again volunteer yourself…—smile—

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  24. Musings on the F-bomb

    A red-neck (sorry for label) used this sentence:

    “Fuck it! The fucking fucker’s fucked!”

    Everyone knew exactly what was meant.

    Such a versatile word: noun, verb, adjective, exclamation. Keep using it to express yourself – it has a lot of power 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  26. You liked my recent post, so I felt compelled to read a little–I’m glad I did. This post made me laugh (with some bitter angst behind it). It can be so hard to find moments of joy in a whirring-fast, over-scheduled world for which we were never designed. Indeed, sometimes I just want to f*ing color … my whole world. Thanks for your openness.

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  31. Ha ha ha! My kid, when he was that age, was playing with some beads on an abacus at a doctor’s office (likely getting sicker from all the bacteria on those wooden balls) and he said, as he pushed each one aside, “Goddamnit… God dammit… GOD…. DAMMIT!” I of course took full responsibility for my potty mouth. Now, as a Christian, I’m not supposed to cuss, as apparently that is not holy or a good representation of my values. And while, on a deep level, I do agree with this, I find it terribly difficult. There is something about an expletive that is so freeing! I get it! I hope you feel better soon. And hey, go color. You’ll feel better.

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    • I really laughed out loud, had a similar experience with my first child and the “GD” word. Technically remember as Christians we should not judge and only God can judge but I was mortified when my daughter said “GD” by accident to my uncle who’s a preacher. I certainly understand but it still funny stuff and sometime the most honest form for the words.

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  37. Language aside, the kid gets kudos for communicating honestly in a clear way. And technically, he did use the word “fucking” in proper context, so he’s got that down.

    I think the teacher was just jealous. Truth is so much easier when we’re 3.

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  40. Oh god yes. I think your son has just slipped one of the greatest truisms of all time. Really. Doesn’t “I just want to fucking colour” completely nail the human condition in one fell stroke?

    Totally captures it.

    You now have a book title! Go write that book…

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  41. Thanks for liking my page. Curious if you are Royal Marine or US Marine. I once was a bit ill and left my home and native land (Canada) to join US Marines as I was turned down for Canadian army due to Psychiatric record. At that time I was in denial of my illness and thought military discipline would solve my problems. I don’t Color but sometimes I just want to curl up and read fucking Archie comics.
    Best,
    Leif G

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  44. Pingback: I just want to fucking color – Musings of a mad woman

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